Sonal Lobo, born and bought up in Bengaluru, is a post graduate in commerce from Christ University, Bengaluru. She has been writing from the age of 10. Her writings have been published in in a number of publications of repute. She has published two books 'Thoughts Sublime' and 'Whistling Words' both collection of poems and also contributed in various anthologies. Currently she is working as an HR counsellor in Bengaluru.
To Dad and Mom, with love
Parents are the most wonderful gift we all receive, their love, care and concern are irreplaceable. They say a good parent preaches but the best parent leads by example.
Like any child I never realized the true value of my parents until I got married. Being the only child, I had received a lot of love and pampering. Yet, I was raised in a well-disciplined manner and not to forget I was a good daughter always obedient.
While Being with parents I never took time to thank them nor understand and realize the value of their upbringing. I enjoyed a rather beautiful upbringing and got married and took a plunge to family life.
Being married and starting a family brings out a totally new person in you, especially for any women they tend to change their entire personality to suit to the requirements of the new family. After marriage my life changed a lot, I began to realize how it was to give in completely to a person, body, heart and soul.
But like most of the youngsters my definition of love was not exactly the right one, we all are in the age of WhatsApp, twitter, Facebook etc. The movies and the television programs we see highlight that love is love only when it is expressed orally. Having being married a to a guy who fails to express his feeling in words (like most of the guys) I constantly cribbed and expected my husband to say I love you now and then, to say I miss You. I expected candle light dinners and filmy surprises. I expected chocolates and flowers. When I did not receive all this that is when I felt heartbroken.
On one fine day again feeling sad and dejected I sat on to look at old albums to kill me time and that is when I picked the photos of my parent’s wedding. I was startled to see their happiness and charm and all of a sudden made me retrospect about their married life. They had been married for more than 33 years and in these years, I had hardly heard my dad say I love you to my mom. I never saw him carry bunch of flowers or chocolates. I don’t remember my mom ever talking about candle light dinners, yet they were in love.
Their love was not mere gestures and words it was more of actions. I knew it was love when dad came home from work tired yet went into the kitchen to help my mom, it was love when dad never complained however the food was and scolded me when I judged moms cooking. It was love when dad did all the work even before mom asking him. I knew mom loved dad when she took the responsibility of managing both house and work without extra hands to help dad financially. I knew it was love when mom bought home even the smallest piece of sweet, she got just because dad loved sweets. I knew it was love when my dad respected my mom. I knew it was love when they both chatted happily and shared each other’s problems. I knew it was love when dad took no decision without asking mom, I knew it was love when mom stood behind dad no matter what challenges came ahead. I knew in sickness and health, in happiness and sorrows they stood along. I knew it was love when they fought but made up before going to sleep.
I realized what love was, I was happy because I knew I was also in love. I realized it is love when my husband never complained however the food is, I knew it was love when my husband calls home to find that I reach safe. I knew it was love when he appreciates me in front of his friends and says he is lucky to have me. I understood it is his love which makes him cancel many of his plans which he would otherwise execute. I knew it was love when on my request he switches off the Netflix, just to spend time talking to me. I knew it was love that makes him toil hard at work to safe guard a good future for us. I knew it was his love that makes him jealous when he sees another man looking at me. I know it is love when he holds my hands when crossing a busy street, I know its love when he wakes up middle of the night and crawls to me like a child. I know its love when he can’t bear the tears in my eyes. I know it is love when we eat together, when we pray together, when we laugh together. I know it is love when he respects me and encourages me.
I began to understand the real meaning of love; marriage is a beautiful journey, the journey of ups and downs, the journey with bends and curves but a journey worth fighting for.
My dad and mom have given me most of the things in my life, but the greatest gift they have given me is the example of their life. Their life, their love for each other as taught me great valuable lessons. It is said that the greatest gift a man can give to his child is to love his mother that is what exactly my dad has done. My parents had set standards for me to follow. They have indirectly shown me that love is not just flowers, chocolates, candlelight dinners or the holidays. Love is much beyond all that.
Many of us are never happy in our married life because of unrealistic expectations. At the end we gain, crib and feel sad. Let us try to see what we have rather then what we don’t have. Remember actions speak louder than words. The next time when your spouse forgets to bring you flowers on your birthday but gives you a tight hug and wishes you, be happy because you are the lucky one. Treasure what you have. Let us love and be loved.